Mario pwnage


I love side scrolling games. I’ve played them for what seems like forever. In fact, some of my fondest childhood memories was of me playing Duke Nukem in my parent’s basement. My brother and I each had our own computers (Nerds 4 Life) and we would play for hours yelling with joy and (often) frustration into our screens. Breaks would consist of pow wow’s – huddling together to figure out how to get past certain enemies while listening to Kris Kross. <– they make you wanna jump, jump!

Monster Bash.
Halloween Harry.
Commander Keen 4, 5, and 6 plus Keen Dreams!
Jazz Jackrabbit (Killer music in that one btw).
They stole my heart!

Yes this game was actually called "Wolfenstein 3D". At the time, this was crazy graphics! (Photo Credit:

I tried first person shoot em’s but Wolfenstein scared me silly. I had to play with the lights on, contrast on high, sound on medium and I ILM’d the crap outta my keyboard. (n00b translation of ILM: would give you full life, all guns, full ammo) Sidenote: I did learn a few valuable lessons like what “mein leben” means! It means “my life”. Thanks mom for always trying to teach me something! See? Gaming is educational AND fun!

I digress.

I ❤ Mario

But Mario has always held a soft spot in my heart.

My parents came to this country with very little in terms of worldly possessions. My dad worked in the computer industry so we always had a few in my place but we never had a Nintendo. Maybe we didn’t have the money or maybe he just didn’t want a gaming console in our house. Who knows? One of our cousins had a Nintendo system so when we came to visit we’d beg her to play 2 games: Duck Hunt and Mario.

Photo Credit: CollegeHumor (duh!)

And oh the adventures Mario and I would go on! The enemies we’d pounce. The grass we’d run through. The princess we’d save…over and over again. I mean what the hell Peach! Hire some security or something! Sheesh! Honestly…that girl needs some self-defense classes or a taser.

Mario goes Wii

When I heard The New Super Mario Bro’s was coming to Wii I freaked! I took my siblings to 2 EB games, 1 Wal-Mart, 1 Toys R Us, 1 FutureShop and a few other random stores to hunt the game down! (Erm…did I also mention these were the only Wal-Marts, Toys R Us’ and FutureShops in our town? AND it was over Christmas so it was hella busy in our one and only mall.)

Alas, all that effort to no avail. But I wanted to play it so badly that my brother managed borrowed it from his good friend Frank (Thanks Frank!!!) and oh how we played! But Christmas break was so short! There wasn’t enough time! We had only begun to chip away at the conniving evil that was Bowser.

I have returned home 3 times since Christmas holidays and each time my sister and I set aside some time to bond over Mario. It was awesome to play together as both Mario and Luigi as now we can both be on-screen at once. <— Dear Nintendo, the bubble idea is pure genius!!

After Lord only knows how many hours, we are victorious!!! We finished all the worlds, got all the coins in every level of every world, unlocked the secret world, got all those coins too, went to all the mushroom houses, unlocked and used every warp pipe/canon, and found and completed all the alternate endings.

*wipes brow*

In summary, we pwnd!

And all I got for my efforts was 5 bombass shiny stars on my file and this dorkalicious screenshot:

Finally...we are victorious!!!

Totally worth it. 🙂

What’s your gaming story? Were you some of the lucky few with Nintendo’s? Did you play pc games? What was your favourite game?


11 Responses to “Mario pwnage”

  1. 1 Roman

    Ahh I cannot stress how much I love classic side scrollers. Back on the NES/SNES where the days of side scrolling where long and hard. Super Mario World and Yoshi’s Island were probably my favourite. The best though has to be Paper Mario, I mean cmon thats the single greatest idea ever. Paper cutouts, a mixture of 2D/Faux 3D. Ahh I am so tempted to fire up my N64 now thanks to you! I never got into the Castlevania games though, and as for PC games, Abe’s Odyssey and such were the quirkiest humoured games I played! Now those had character. New age though, have you tried Trine? It’s nice! I think I rambled long enough, I bid you a good gaming day!

    • Someone brought up a good point on Twitter – I hope one day they figure out how to put all those old side scrollers on the iPhone. That’d be wicked.

      Picture it…Commander Keen revival.
      Mario competitions with your friends.
      Duke Nukem shoot outs!! 🙂

      I need to go take a cold shower.

      • 3 Brett

        Jailbreak that shit! Then you can play any NES game you want

        (warning: I had to uninstall the NES emulator from my phone because I kept murdering the battery & not accomplishing anything…)

  2. 4 Sean

    The bomb!

    I collect witty, funny, and interesting Mario tributes/parodies. And my friend Zen is the biggest Nintendo/Mario enthusiast ever, he was the guy who last year wore a Nintendo vest and a photo of him went crazy viral!

    • OMG – we need to have a whole Mario conversation next time I see you. I LOVE Mario!! One of my best friends has the One Up Mushroom in his condo. It’s the awesomesauce.

      I SAW that vest!! I tweeted that, emailed it, and perhaps may have saved the pic in my Evernote to use in a blog post later. 😛 Shhhh.

      • 6 Sean

        Well if you want I can hook you up with an interview with the man himself. he might even wear the vest!

  3. 7 Brett

    Great post! I’m immediately nostalgia’d

    I never had an original Nintendo, so I was always be hitting up friends to get my Mario fix (and making friends with weirdos just because they happened to have a NES).

    It was all about PC games for me – especially adventure games (all the Sierra ‘quest’ games, monkey island, etc). They were a great hybrid of storytelling plus gaming, but sadly there appears to be no more room for the lowly adventure game in our ADD twitch-muscle culture 😦

    • You know what Brett? I’m bringing them back…with…fervor!! 🙂 We need to talk to some iPhone developers and see if they can make the old side scrollers run on the iPhone or the iPad. (see above comment to Roman). Think of the revival.

      It’d be retro geek chic!! 🙂 Not that it was ever NOT cool. I can’t even talk about side scrollers without getting worked up.

      You know what?! Screw the first person shooting games. Honestly…I’ve seen SO many. Most of them are the same game but edited. My brother as a bunch of army games like COD…

      I want my side scrolling back in worlds that make little sense. 🙂 I don’t need to play army-boy with the shooting. There’s enough of that on the news. I wanna be whimsical in my gaming. 😛


      • 9 Brett

        No apologies needed – I’m with ya!

        It’s funny how we never questioned the logic of Mario when we were kids. I mean, we have this crazy turtle/monster world where the only humans around are 2 PLUMBERS and a Princess (and later another Princess). Obviously they’re not super-awesome plumbers, or all the pipes wouldn’t be full of carnivorous plants. The king-shit of this world, a dinosaur(?) named Bowser, saw fit to hide a bunch of coins, mushrooms, flowers, etc in bricks and boxes with big question-marks on em, and decided to spread out his army of easily-defeated minions with nice even spacing, rather than having them all defend his castle. What is it that he’s doing with the Princess during all that time he’s kidnapped her? There are some questions best left unanswered.

        I’m going to stop now because if I don’t I’ll be writing for hours…

  4. My friend just reminded me of some goodies:
    Crystal Caves.
    Hugo’s House of Horrors.

    Anymore to add to the list? 😛

    • I praise the Sonic series (especially my first childhood game, Sonic 3) in Sega Genesis 😀 Love the Blue Hedgehog 😉

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